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| This week's host is Jone at Check It Out. |
I had a phone call the other day from a teen writing workshop leader. Several of her students were writing about suicide. As a former suicide hotline volunteer, the workshop leader knew not to panic. She asked the teens what was up. They told her that a teenager in their neighborhood had committed suicide. They were processing their emotions through poetry.
One
of the most challenging things we face, when working with teen writers, is helping
our students navigate their emotions. I’ve had conversations with teens who are
so frustrated with adults. Why do adults assume all teen poetry is
autobiographical? Teens don’t want to land in the guidance office every time
they write a dark poem.
But
I’ve also reminded these same teens that if I see something concerning in their
writing, I will check in with them to make sure they are okay. If I ask, “are
you in trouble?” I need to trust that they will answer me honestly.
Today,
I’ve invited a dear friend, poet Ann Bracken to guest blog. Ann’s new chapbook, THE ALTAR OF INNOCENCE,
is a powerful look at depression, from its roots in family history to the fruit
it bears in adulthood. For Ann, writing—writing poetry in particular—was a
necessary part of healing.
We are giving away a copy of Ann's book today. Leave a comment to be entered in the drawing.
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| Order it from New Academia Publishing. |
This
post will touch many of you. Ann reminds me what a powerful force poetry can be
during dark times, whether the writer is a teen or an adult.
Writing to Heal: A Poet Reflects
by
Ann Bracken
Poetry
often serves as a form of therapeutic writing and provides an instinctive
vehicle for people in pain. Even people who would never dream of
themselves as writers, much less poets, will often place their fears, hopes,
and confusions into the safe container of a poem. Maybe they will never
share it with anyone else, and that is as it should be. The purpose of
therapeutic writing is to help each person make sense of the particular suffering
they are experiencing in the moment. Long before I had ever heard of
therapeutic writing, I used poetry and journaling to explore the mysteries of
my feelings as I struggled with depression and anxiety.
When
I look back at how my own use of poetry helped me to deal with depression, I
think about an experience with Thomas Moore,
a psychotherapist and writer who wrote Care
of the Soul. When I heard that Moore
was offering a weekend retreat near my home, I signed up immediately. His book
spoke to me in ways that I did not understand and I wanted to know more about
his ideas of the dark night of the soul. At the time, I did not know I was
depressed, just that I felt very down and tired—feelings I could justify
because I had suffered from a migraine for nearly two months. On a rainy
December afternoon, Moore gave us an assignment—create a piece of art that
represents what your soul might be saying to you. I had no energy for any of
the art materials spread around the room, so I wrote the following poem:
The Path
By
Ann Bracken
Reluctantly
I undertake the journey.
I
resist going. I resist packing. I have no map.
I
must go on the journey.
The
path is shrouded in fog. My hands are cold.
They
cannot grasp the suitcase straps.
The
strap breaks. I stumble into a puddle.
I
must go on.
At
the time, all I knew was that the poem represented how I felt about my
life. It wasn’t until years later when I
found it in my journal. Now I realize how my soul was speaking to me of depression through the use of images and
the metaphor of the journey that I didn’t want to take.
In
addition to poetry, I also used journaling to help me through depression. At
the time, I had just started working on polishing my skills as a writer, so I
decided to keep my journal on the computer. Oftentimes my feelings were so
overwhelming that the discipline of typing and looking at the words as they
appeared on the screen offered me a safe distance from the turmoil and despair
churning inside. I also began to see
writing my journal as an exercise in story-craft, especially when I recounted
my vivid and highly symbolic dreams, like the dream where I can’t see myself in
the mirror and a wizard appears telling me it’s because I’ve lost my soul. That story offered an important metaphor for
the pain I was facing and provided me with the courage to do what it took to
get my soul back.
But
what about writing by hand, I can hear people asking. Isn’t that a better way
to process feelings? To which I can
offer a thunderous Yes! I kept a spiral
notebook handy in a private space so that I could rid myself of some of the
messier aspects of my journey—a place to process the events that left me crying
hopelessly or churning with anger. Sometimes I even spread newspapers on the
floor and wrote using magic markers in big, bold letters, as if to match the
out-of-control feelings.
My
journaling practice in all its forms became a lifeline for me—a continuous map
through the pain, hope, and discovery as I journeyed deeper into despair. I
kept a journal long before I ever heard of therapeutic writing and the
marvelous work of both James Pennebaker and Ira Progoff.
Eventually,
my journal grew to over 400 pages recounting a dark pilgrimage that lasted
nearly four years. The heavy binders holding my story sat on a closet shelf for
20 years before I turned to them as a resource for incidents I recount in my
memoir in verse, The Altar of
Innocence. In writing the story of my illness, both
poetry and journaling provided me with fresh insights about my situation and
all the things that caused me to descend into depression’s “well of grief.”
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| Ann's writing journal. |
My deepest
desire is that my book serves as a vehicle of hope and inspiration. Writing my
story helped me to reach new levels of understanding and forgiveness—for my
parents, my ex-husband, and myself. I put the book out into the world as an
offering that it may do the same for others. We are never as alone as we think.
Afternoon Resolve
by Ann Bracken
Posted with permission of the author.
by Ann Bracken
Following
the stream
of
memories I return
to the
girl I was
tossing a ball and jacks
on rough
brick steps
then
ditching my toys
I tip-toe
into my mother’s
cheerless
bedroom, sitting beside her
I rub her
back
tracing
circles over and over
her groggy
words tumbling out
Sorry for always sleeping when you
get home.
What
saddened me more
than her
sleeping
was the
empty space
where she
should have stood—
in line
waiting for the teachers’ conferences,
helping
out during playground duty
shopping
for Saturday bargains.
And now
these dark afternoons
I lie in
bed sick
with
pounding migraine
my own
child-self
pushes me
out of bed
before my
children come home
somehow
prodding me to help at Girl Scout meetings
somehow
cheering for my son’s marching band
somehow
shopping for Christmas gifts.
My
daughter slides a card under the door
with the
sun peeking out
from
behind dark storm clouds. Inside she writes—
I know you
want to shine.
My son
says, “Keep going, Mom. It’s just like a mountain bike ride.
When your
legs are tired and you want to quit,
you’re
almost home.”
Ann Bracken’s memoir in verse, The Altar of Innocence, was released in 2015 by New Academia Publishing. Her poetry, essays, and interviews have appeared in anthologies and journals, including Little Patuxent Review, New Verse News, Scribble, Reckless Writing Anthology: Emerging Poets of the 21st Century, and Women Write Resistance: Poets Resist Gender Violence. Ann serves as a contributing editor for Little Patuxent Review, lectures at the University of Maryland College Park, and leads workshops at creativity conferences. You can find her online at www.annbrackenauthor.com and www.possibilityproject.com.
Thank you for guest blogging today, Ann.
If you would like a chance to win THE ALTAR OF INNOCENCE, leave a comment about this post or with feedback for Ann.
See you on Wednesday when we kick off National Poetry Month, 2015 with a new project. Read about it here.
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